Twas the Night After Christmas

And all through the house, not a creature was stirring…

Except for me. I’m not quite ready to sleep. But I think it’s ok, since Santa has already come and gone. I hope all of my readers who celebrate Christmas had a wonderful holiday!

I’m just going to openly ponder some things while I wait for my eyelids to get heavy.

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Ask the Girl Episode 5 – Why Do I Do This to Myself?

Today’s Ask the Girl episode was inspired by a conversation I had with the creator of  He specializes in teaching social-level ballroom dancing, but used to dance competitively. We were talking about how expensive ballroom competitions are, especially for a pro-am student like myself, and about the emotional rollercoasters that competing in ballroom puts me on.

He wondered, with all of the financial and emotional stress involved in competition, why do I do it?

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Dance Like No One is Watching

dance like no one is watching

Such a simple statement but SO hard for me to act on! I’m constantly fighting fears of embarrassment and rejection when I dance, especially when I’m trying to express emotion through my dance.

I try to hold onto those moments when I did manage to break through, live in the moment, and feel free to “just dance,” no matter who was watching.

It can be incredibly frustrating to have memories of those moments but not be able to break free of the fear in the present moment.

But I keep pushing and surround myself with positive, supportive people. And one day, I’ll break free for good.

I Perform Better in the Dark

Before I get started, I just want to share that I’m on vacation for an entire week! Obviously, I really needed it because my mood improved more and more on Friday as it got closer to quitting time. I’m looking forward to this week of sleeping in, spending time with my puppies, writing, and dancing!

Which brings me to today’s topic:

For the last few weeks, I’ve been going to these Sunday social dances. They are hosted by a friend of Teacher’s, owner/creator of

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Express Yourself! In the Studio Vs. the Club (Write31Days Day 4)

It’s funny, I made a list of topics for this 31-day challenge, but have yet to actually follow that list.  One post just leads me to another post.  But I guess I shouldn’t be surprised that things aren’t going as planned.  When do they ever?

Last year, I started a series on my first blog, The Uphill Factor, titled “Express Yourself!”  Teacher was starting to bring up the need for more emotional expression from me while I was dancing, and naturally, I wrote about my struggles:

Express Yourself!
Express Yourself! Part 2 – Tango Curses
Express Yourself! Part 3 – Butt and Boobs
Express Yourself! Part 4: No, Really, Express Yourself!

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Countdown to USDC – 8 Days: I’m Completely Calm (and My Pants are on Fire)

Preface: I almost deleted this post after I wrote it. Because I know I have covered all of this before. The problem with struggles like mine is people get tired of hearing about them because they don’t understand why I don’t just get over it. Especially when I have documented success at the things I have anxiety and insecurities over. But the fact of the matter is this is a long-term project. I could win 10 more competitions and still struggle with fear and self-doubt. My goal with this blog is and always will be to be honest and open about those struggles. Hopefully, it doesn’t get too repetitive for you.

In less than a week, I get on a plane to fly to Florida. Eight days until I dance. I can’t decide if I want this last week to hurry up or slow down. I lean toward hurry up. The anticipation anxiety is always much worse than the anxiety at the actual event. And with it also being almost a week until I meet up with Teacher again, I’ve pretty much entered full panic mode. Which means I’ve gotten very quiet.

But you, my lucky readers, get a glimpse into the storm raging below the seemingly calm surface.

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