I put Looney Tunes on this morning as background while I worked on today’s post. Sometimes I really miss the old classic Saturday morning cartoons. Looney Tunes were the best! Yes, incredibly violent, but also brilliant! What led me to Looney Tunes was noting the number of bruises I’m currently sporting on my legs: one on my left knee, one on my right shin, one on my left ankle, and two on my right ankle. I’m like a slapstick character, get it?
I needed a pep talk to offset the negative voices in my head. I thought there might be others needing one too. So I decided to publish what I came up with.
“I’m not good enough.” “I don’t matter.” “I’m ugly.” “I’m unlovable.” “I don’t deserve to succeed.”
Everyone has thoughts like these. They usually originate from an external source, either direct or indirect. Sometimes from a trusted source. A careless comment or dismissive question can burrow deep in our brains and fester into something much more sinister. Someone you love and trust asks you why you bother doing what you do, it’s not like it’s going to take you anywhere. And, if you’re like me, the demons in your head latch onto that comment like it’s a precious metal and twist it and build it up until, in your dark moments, you find yourself thinking why am I doing this, I’m not good enough to “make it,” what’s the point.
Everyone learns in their own way. Some learn by doing, others by taking notes. Some are visual learners and others are auditory. I think I’m a combination of methods. But as I learn more about the silver level of ballroom and more advanced ballroom technique, I’m noticing my internal learning process is a little more complicated than when I was just learning bronze and the basics.
Warning, I drop a few F bombs in this post.
On today’s episode of Mental Smackdown, I share what happens when an external trigger sets the demons loose in my head and how I attempt to bring order back to the chaos that’s created.
I was having a really good night, feeling genuinely optimistic about life in general. And then my lesson was cancelled. Cue descent into darkness.
I know, I know, so dramatic! It’s just one lesson. Disappointment, sure, but descent into darkness? Really? Financially, it helps me because it stretches my last lesson payment that much further. So what’s my problem? Well, like any good addict, sometimes the only thing that gets me through the day is my next fix. I think it’s been well established that I am addicted to ballroom and my heart and soul gets poured into it. Good or bad, I desperately rely on my two standing lessons to get me through some weeks. I may be hating life, but at least I have a lesson to look forward to. So when that oasis I’m crawling toward turns out to be a mirage? Let’s just say the struggle is real. Still too dramatic? Just wait, it gets better.