So ironically, after writing my last blog post about recovering from a bad day, this weekend, I find myself having a tough time. If you caught my social media on Friday evening, then you know we experienced the very-rare-for-Orange-County thunderstorm! I love a good summer thunderstorm (we’ll ignore the fact that it’s October because it’s still in the 70s/80s here). But unfortunately, I also live with seasonal affective disorder, so gloomy weather makes me gloomy. It was gray and rainy all day on Saturday, and by Sunday morning, even though the sun started to come out, I was also feeling quite gray.
I don’t know what to write this week, so we’re just going to start writing and see what comes out. Usually I have an idea by midweek, but this week – nada. My brain’s been a bit scattered and preoccupied, and with three months left in the year, I have this weird sense of “I’ve still got plenty of time” and “I’m running out of time.”
How about some dance-related stuff?
Today’s Ask the Girl episode was inspired by a conversation I had with the creator of freeballroomlessons.com. He specializes in teaching social-level ballroom dancing, but used to dance competitively. We were talking about how expensive ballroom competitions are, especially for a pro-am student like myself, and about the emotional rollercoasters that competing in ballroom puts me on.
He wondered, with all of the financial and emotional stress involved in competition, why do I do it?
Such a simple statement but SO hard for me to act on! I’m constantly fighting fears of embarrassment and rejection when I dance, especially when I’m trying to express emotion through my dance.
I try to hold onto those moments when I did manage to break through, live in the moment, and feel free to “just dance,” no matter who was watching.
It can be incredibly frustrating to have memories of those moments but not be able to break free of the fear in the present moment.
But I keep pushing and surround myself with positive, supportive people. And one day, I’ll break free for good.