It’s the final countdown! My day at Beach Bash is this Thursday, only 4 days away!
I am excited! Mostly…
The heat lists were posted on Friday. As soon as I downloaded mine, the nerves hit. Times were set. That was my name at the top of the list of dances. Shit just got real.
I had some difficulty focusing on work for the rest of the day. Luckily, I had a lesson right after work so I would be able to turn the nerves into something productive. We had Teacher’s pro partner record us dancing each Smooth dance at the end of my lesson on Wednesday, and on Friday, Teacher started the lesson by reviewing each video. He saw a consistent error in my frame, and I saw disappointing arm styling. So we worked on fixing both and the nerves were a little quieter by the end of the 45 minutes.
This weekend, my goal was to figure out my hairstyle and practice it so I would be good to go on Thursday. I tried two different styles, one with curls and one inspired by Ms. Joanna Leunis.
I texted photos to Teacher and he responded “perfect” to the Joanna-inspired one. What I created wasn’t quite the beauty that Joanna is. I basically side-parted my hair and made one side as high as possible with some semblance of a wave, but “perfect” works for me, so I considered myself done. I also ordered a hair piece from My Ballroom Boutique that should work very nicely in my part and add a little sparkle.
I intended to give myself a break from ballroom for the rest of the weekend, but my mind wasn’t able to rest. The nerves plagued me with “what ifs.” Everything from “what if we hit traffic on the way there?” to “what if I fall on my face in the middle of my first dance?” Some things can be planned for, like leaving early enough to allow for delays. As far as the dancing, I know I can’t control everything so I need to trust that I’m well-prepared and will dance my best.
I can’t control everything and I need to trust myself? Yeah, sure, no problem! I know I need to trust Teacher too, because he’ll be there dancing with me. At least that is easier to do.
I know I put way too much pressure on myself, which creates extra stress. My Vulcan side has gotten pretty good at analyzing the source of my stress or anxiety though, even while I’m feeling it. One source is the thought that this is going to be my only chance, so I need to get everything right this time. It’s not logical. I have other competition goals this year and have already saved some money for the next one. My track record isn’t great though; Life seems to enjoy mucking up my plans. Not to sound dramatic, but forces are already moving against my goals.
That’s another big source of stress and anxiety – getting ahead of myself. I haven’t even competed at Beach Bash yet and I’m worried about what’s going to happen after. Wouldn’t it be nice if I could just chill and enjoy the fact that I’m finally getting to compete again? It would. I’m working on it.
As I write this, I have managed to pull myself back into the present. I know I have things to deal with in the near future, but I’m telling myself to worry about them after Thursday. Whether this is my first comp of 2017 or my last, my goal is the same – to go out there, dance my best, and enjoy myself! And hopefully win some money in my scholarship round because let’s face it, I’m going to need that cash to get me to the next comp, assuming there is one.
For those wondering, I start dancing about 1pm PST and my last round is about 4:15pm PST. I don’t think there is an official livestream, but keep an eye on my Facebook page because I plan on posting updates and having someone go live for me while I’m dancing.