I think every dancer has been here: your teacher or coach tells you to do something and you do it. Then they tell you that it wasn’t right and repeat the instruction. So you do it again. They say no again, or they tell you that you need to do it bigger or longer or fuller. But you already feel maxed out on how big, long or full you can get! You don’t understand, why are they telling you that you’re doing it wrong? You did what they told you to do!
At least you thought you did.
In my darkest moments, I think about the what ifs that could take ballroom away from me forever. Money, injuries…it’s terrifying!
But I think I can be brave enough against my demons to say, I would still be a dancer!
http://theodysseyonline.com/vcu/if-you-take-dance-away-from-dancer/319658
Coins have been counted, expenses have been tallied, and numbers have been crunched. It looks like the Girl with the Tree Tattoo will not be entering the 2016 Emerald Ball. Or any other competition for the rest of the year, unfortunately.
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After writing the Hermit Weekend post, I recalled a post I had written for the Uphill Factor about two years ago. Eventually, that site will transform or disappear entirely, so I’ve been spending some time revisiting old posts. The particular one I recalled yesterday was written because I had been involved in a debate about debt and pursuing things that make you happy.
The debate was how much money, more specifically how much debt, is acceptable in the pursuit of a passion? At what point do you stop being admirable for following your dreams against any and all odds and start being just foolish and irresponsible?
Two years later, my views haven’t changed much despite my constant questioning of myself and my need to take the occasional hermit weekend.
Every so often I need a hermit weekend. That is, a weekend when I don’t leave the apartment except to walk the dogs. I need the quiet time to recharge and to gather and organize my thoughts. Between my day job, my writing, my dancing, my financial juggling and Life’s latest challenge, I have a lot on my mind! Sometimes it gets to be too much and that’s when I take a hermit weekend.
I relate to this concept as a writer but also as a dancer. The higher I advance, the harder it gets, and oh my gosh, what if they figure out I’m just a bronze dancer trying to fake her way through silver steps?!
I wish I could catch that level up screen!
I originally wrote this letter in 2014 for my old website, the Uphill Factor. I like to reread it every once in awhile to remind myself. I think it’s a nice follow-up to my On Not Giving Up post.
Dear Self-Doubt,
I swear, every time I start to feel secure in my plans, Life shouts “plot twist!” and I’m back to square one. But that’s what Life does, isn’t it?
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You know that feeling you get when you feel like your budget is in good shape and even after fitting in dance, you still have some wiggle room, but then you have to buy a new car battery and instead of wiggle room, you’re back to wearing a financial corset?
Maybe it’s just me.
How appropriate that I should come across this article just before my “comeback” competition!
Check it out:
Quotes To Help You Overcome Your Dance Fears And Live A Creative Life
The Girl with the Tree Tattoo 