Tag: anxiety

At What Point Can You Call Yourself a “Dancer”?

13 Comments

I think I’m going through a little ballroom withdrawal. It’s been weeks and weeks since I took a group class. My last few private lessons were a week apart due to Teacher going to comps or having other scheduling conflicts. And I haven’t been going to the studio to practice. I have all sorts of excuses, including the fact that I’m still doing things at home like the journey to splits challenge. I used to practice before and/or after group class. It worked well for me. But now that I’m not taking group, I find it’s hard to motivate myself to go to just practice on my own. This is why I fail at being a gym member. I’m much more likely to go if there is a class or something where I have other people to support me and hold me accountable. But going by myself to work by myself? I feel like I may as well save the gas and stay at home. This withdrawal coupled with anxiety over USDC and reading online how often others practice or have private lessons has me once again pondering a question my demons obsessively taunt me with: at what point can I call myself a dancer?
Continue reading →

Reflection: False Summits Part 2

2 Comments

Sometimes I go back and reread old blog posts because the same issues come back to pester me again and again. This one from the Uphill Factor seemed to fit the pestering thoughts today.

http://wp.me/p2KMQ9-d5

I’m fighting this fear of never being “good enough” even though I don’t really know what that means. Good enough for what?? I’m trying so many things right now to reshape my brain into a more positive thinking entity. Less focus on the fear and doubt. But the hilarity is sometimes I think “shit, what if I fail at all these things?” How’s that for special? I’m focusing on the possibility of failure in attempts to be more positive. But what my old post linked above reminded me was I am trying, I’m not giving up, and that should make me “good enough,” no matter the final outcome. So even if months from now, I’m still as cynical as ever in my thinking, at least I tried to absorb more unicorns and rainbows! I’m giving it my best shot and that counts for something.

My Process for Learning “Post-Basics”

3 Comments

Everyone learns in their own way. Some learn by doing, others by taking notes. Some are visual learners and others are auditory. I think I’m a combination of methods. But as I learn more about the silver level of ballroom and more advanced ballroom technique, I’m noticing my internal learning process is a little more complicated than when I was just learning bronze and the basics.

Warning, I drop a few F bombs in this post.

Continue reading →

Still Two Months to Go or Only Two Months to Go!

2 Comments

I thought I had more time, but apparently the countdown to USDC, a.k.a. Nationals, has begun. Teacher comes to me at the beginning of our lesson on Wednesday and says “Ok! Two months to go! We need to schedule them! Double lesson on Friday! And then next week…!!” The man was pumped up! And he didn’t slow down once through the whole lesson as he whipped out brand new Viennese waltz and foxtrot silver routines, raced through showing me the steps while also coaching me on the arm styling and shaping, danced them once or twice with me, skipped across the studio to put music on to dance them to music, and then, with a big smile on his face, said “Perfect! How did that feel?”

Uuhh, not perfect. What was the first step again?

I think we were on two different lessons.

I think we were on two different lessons.

Continue reading →

Who Are You Dancing For?

3 Comments

You know those people who draw everyone’s attention when they walk into a room? Whether it’s their walk or their smile or their eyes or everything about their body language, people notice them. I am not one of those people. I am one of those people who slips in unnoticed and hangs around for 20 minutes before someone says “oh, when did you get here?!” I generally avoid the spotlight. I’ve pushed myself to let some inner light shine through in my dancing. But I still tend to retreat to the shadows as soon as I can. Unfortunately, I will not be able to go after a national title in the shadows. Shucks.

Continue reading →

Mental Smackdown – When Your Dealer Cancels Your Next Fix

5 Comments

On today’s episode of Mental Smackdown, I share what happens when an external trigger sets the demons loose in my head and how I attempt to bring order back to the chaos that’s created.

I was having a really good night, feeling genuinely optimistic about life in general.  And then my lesson was cancelled. Cue descent into darkness.

I know, I know, so dramatic! It’s just one lesson. Disappointment, sure, but descent into darkness? Really? Financially, it helps me because it stretches my last lesson payment that much further. So what’s my problem? Well, like any good addict, sometimes the only thing that gets me through the day is my next fix. I think it’s been well established that I am addicted to ballroom and my heart and soul gets poured into it. Good or bad, I desperately rely on my two standing lessons to get me through some weeks. I may be hating life, but at least I have a lesson to look forward to. So when that oasis I’m crawling toward turns out to be a mirage? Let’s just say the struggle is real. Still too dramatic? Just wait, it gets better.

Continue reading →

Videos! Aahhh!

3 Comments

Ok, as promised, I didn’t dawdle in publishing my Video page!  I kept previewing it, hoping I’d think of a reason I needed to delay, but I couldn’t think of anything. So there ya go, check it out! Or not, you don’t have to if you don’t want to.  That page can grow dusty from lack of visitors, it’s ok!

I’m going to take an example from another blogger and go make myself a cup of tea! And not take the page down.  I will not delete the page.  I will not delete the page. I will not delete the page.

I need some chamomile.