Sometimes I go back and reread old blog posts because the same issues come back to pester me again and again. This one from the Uphill Factor seemed to fit the pestering thoughts today.
I’m fighting this fear of never being “good enough” even though I don’t really know what that means. Good enough for what?? I’m trying so many things right now to reshape my brain into a more positive thinking entity. Less focus on the fear and doubt. But the hilarity is sometimes I think “shit, what if I fail at all these things?” How’s that for special? I’m focusing on the possibility of failure in attempts to be more positive. But what my old post linked above reminded me was I am trying, I’m not giving up, and that should make me “good enough,” no matter the final outcome. So even if months from now, I’m still as cynical as ever in my thinking, at least I tried to absorb more unicorns and rainbows! I’m giving it my best shot and that counts for something.
The Girl with the Tree Tattoo 
I can completely relate to this. My last competition was 1 month after my first surgery and while it wasn’t my best comp as far as my performance, I did very well despite all that was going on. Boss was really pleased, which is always a good thing. That’s why I like my ‘Book of Positives’–it makes me focus on the good and make sure I am giving myself credit where it is needed. And sometimes to be positive–you have to first recognize the negatives and then ‘But still I was awesome for me…’ or something similar 🙂
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I started my own book of positives! First entry was yesterday. For lessons, I’m having Teacher give me a positive to write down from him and then I come up with my own.
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