Hello my lovely readers!
Just a quick post tonight. I just finished up some work for the main day job. It’s been a busy week (and it’s only Wednesday!) with an extra project for the main job plus side work from the second job. That did not stop me from getting to my dance lesson tonight though.
Got a few things bringing me down, as sometimes happens. I thought I’d put the blues to good use by sharing them with you and also sharing what I plan to accomplish anyway, in accordance with my #dontgiveup and #keepgoing mantras.
So let’s get this riff started.
I realized that it’s been over a week since I last posted. Sorry about that! I’ve had a lot on my mind, but didn’t have anything concrete enough to put into words. I didn’t want to leave you hanging though, so I’ve done my best to form some hopefully readable sentences.
I get this question a lot when I’m at the studio. I ask this question a lot! It’s a standard “catch up” question among ballroom dancers to find out what event you’re working toward. But it’s also become an awkward question because my answer is “I have no idea.”
I’m slowly figuring out how to cope with not having a real answer to that question. I’m working on setting non-competition dance goals to keep myself busy and motivated (keep an eye out for an article on those!). Teacher doesn’t want me to give up on competition goals though, even if the next one is six months out or more. Usually encouragement and support from Teacher would boost my motivation to find any and all creative solutions to my financial dilemma. That’s how I managed to afford my 2015 comps!
But something is holding me back. And considering I just wrote about why I crave a challenge beyond just dancing, I want to explore why I’m having trouble motivating myself to find a new path to the fuel that feeds my inner fire.
You guys don’t mind me using this platform to psychoanalyze myself, right?
Psycho-what?
Imagine you dance at a competition and you do great! Imagine whatever “great” means to you – top placements, pure enjoyment, or successfully executing something you had been struggling with. Now imagine you wake up a couple of days after the competition and you feel like crap. I call this “post-comp blues.”
I think I’m going to make this post the last of this series. “Part 7” just feels like one too many, and I can tell I’m starting to circle back on emotions. There won’t be anything new to share with you, only revisited thoughts and feelings. This final part is about accepting that emotions like feeling sorry for yourself are part of the process of dealing with a loss or hardship and are OK. Sometimes.
You can read the whole How to Cope with Loss series here.
Read the whole How to Cope with Loss series here.
No lessons this week. And I’m not positive, but I think no lessons next week. Teacher needed surgery to set the fractures in his wrist so they would heal properly. He’s under strict orders to rest and not work for at least a full week.
As for me, I’m fighting a creeping darkness. So many of my plans have been obliterated. I’ll go into that more in a separate post. For now, I’m trying to just stay busy.
I’m working through this ordeal a little faster than anticipated. I think I have my personal growth on my ballroom journey thus far to thank. And the fact that I am not going through it alone. Teacher is proving himself to be a true partner. Not that I had doubts, but I’m not comfortable depending on others. I am currently in a state of fluctuation, fine one hour, depressed the next. Hopefully, my see-sawing moods didn’t affect the readability of this post too much.
Read the whole How to Cope with Loss series here.
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In Part 2, I find myself starting to adjust to the idea I won’t be going to USDC, although it is still surreal. But the event hasn’t even started yet. This coming week is full of to-do’s and supposed-to’s that are no longer part of my story. But they remain, like cruel calendar reminders that pop up when my mind starts to relax and forget that plans have changed.
Read the whole How to Cope with Loss series here.
We’ve all experienced great loss in one form or another. The cancellation of my trip to USDC is a great loss for me. As a way to cope and heal and, as always, to expose my darkness to the light in the hope of someone relating, I’ve decided to document the aftermath in a blog series. This is Part 1. I have no idea how many parts there will be ultimately. As many as are needed, I suppose.
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The Girl with the Tree Tattoo 