Hello my lovely readers!
Just a quick post tonight. I just finished up some work for the main day job. It’s been a busy week (and it’s only Wednesday!) with an extra project for the main job plus side work from the second job. That did not stop me from getting to my dance lesson tonight though.
The dance of the night was Foxtrot, and we worked on some technique points that would help me feel more grounded/balanced, and therefore more confident. I’m pleased to say I could feel the difference as Teacher made adjustments!
We also talked competitions. Despite my upcoming move to a still-undetermined place that will probably cost me $400-500 extra a month, Teacher and I both still want to get me to Nationals this year. Before that, I still want to try to go to the Desert Classic, happening in July (the same month I have to move, if you recall).
Looking at my goals and expected expenses on one hand and my expected income on the other, I’ve been seriously struggling to believe I’ll be able to do any of it and fighting the feeling that this is it, it’s over for me. Adding to the stress is the fact that I’m stuck in this holding pattern waiting for time to get closer to when my lease is up and I can actually start contacting apartment complexes to find out what units they have available and at what price. I hate not being able to do anything. When I first walked into the studio tonight, I couldn’t help but wonder if I was being foolish and trying to hold onto something that was already gone.
I also recalled today though that I have been in this general situation before, where I thought my dancing dreams were over and I’d never be able to compete again. I thought they were over at my second competition at the Holiday Dance Classic in 2014. It took a long time to recover after my first planned trip to Nationals was cancelled in 2015. I was done after California Open last year, but it didn’t last forever as I made it back on the floor at Ballroom Beach Bash just a couple weeks ago. Things always worked out, in one way or another. I had to deal with a lot of dark times up until that moment when the solution finally revealed itself or all the puzzle pieces finally fit together, but that moment always came.
So I’m doing my best to keep the faith. Some way, some how, things will work out. I just have to believe and keep working toward my goals. I can’t quit.
I won’t quit.
Tomorrow. I won’t quit tomorrow. Right now, all I want to do is sleep.
Good night dancers!