Tag: fear

Countdown to USDC – 18 Days: “I Am Significant!”

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I needed a pep talk to offset the negative voices in my head. I thought there might be others needing one too. So I decided to publish what I came up with.

“I’m not good enough.”  “I don’t matter.”  “I’m ugly.”  “I’m unlovable.”  “I don’t deserve to succeed.”

Everyone has thoughts like these.  They usually originate from an external source, either direct or indirect. Sometimes from a trusted source. A careless comment or dismissive question can burrow deep in our brains and fester into something much more sinister. Someone you love and trust asks you why you bother doing what you do, it’s not like it’s going to take you anywhere. And, if you’re like me, the demons in your head latch onto that comment like it’s a precious metal and twist it and build it up until, in your dark moments, you find yourself thinking why am I doing this, I’m not good enough to “make it,” what’s the point.

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Reflection: False Summits Part 2

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Sometimes I go back and reread old blog posts because the same issues come back to pester me again and again. This one from the Uphill Factor seemed to fit the pestering thoughts today.

http://wp.me/p2KMQ9-d5

I’m fighting this fear of never being “good enough” even though I don’t really know what that means. Good enough for what?? I’m trying so many things right now to reshape my brain into a more positive thinking entity. Less focus on the fear and doubt. But the hilarity is sometimes I think “shit, what if I fail at all these things?” How’s that for special? I’m focusing on the possibility of failure in attempts to be more positive. But what my old post linked above reminded me was I am trying, I’m not giving up, and that should make me “good enough,” no matter the final outcome. So even if months from now, I’m still as cynical as ever in my thinking, at least I tried to absorb more unicorns and rainbows! I’m giving it my best shot and that counts for something.

Who Are You Dancing For?

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You know those people who draw everyone’s attention when they walk into a room? Whether it’s their walk or their smile or their eyes or everything about their body language, people notice them. I am not one of those people. I am one of those people who slips in unnoticed and hangs around for 20 minutes before someone says “oh, when did you get here?!” I generally avoid the spotlight. I’ve pushed myself to let some inner light shine through in my dancing. But I still tend to retreat to the shadows as soon as I can. Unfortunately, I will not be able to go after a national title in the shadows. Shucks.

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Mental Smackdown – When Your Dealer Cancels Your Next Fix

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On today’s episode of Mental Smackdown, I share what happens when an external trigger sets the demons loose in my head and how I attempt to bring order back to the chaos that’s created.

I was having a really good night, feeling genuinely optimistic about life in general.  And then my lesson was cancelled. Cue descent into darkness.

I know, I know, so dramatic! It’s just one lesson. Disappointment, sure, but descent into darkness? Really? Financially, it helps me because it stretches my last lesson payment that much further. So what’s my problem? Well, like any good addict, sometimes the only thing that gets me through the day is my next fix. I think it’s been well established that I am addicted to ballroom and my heart and soul gets poured into it. Good or bad, I desperately rely on my two standing lessons to get me through some weeks. I may be hating life, but at least I have a lesson to look forward to. So when that oasis I’m crawling toward turns out to be a mirage? Let’s just say the struggle is real. Still too dramatic? Just wait, it gets better.

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Lightbulb Moment – New Approach to Expressing Emotion

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I set a goal for myself to practice performance in at least three of my lessons in the month of April. I had the same goal set in March but I didn’t tell my teacher and never really pushed myself to do it without him prompting. So this month I let Teacher in on the plan, and like the good teacher he is, he set aside time in my last lesson for me to “perform.” I managed to not run away in panic.

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