Mid-Tour Reflections

One more week to go on the Dance Diaries book tour! The responses have been incredibly positive, which I did not prepare for at all. I’ve never done something like this before and I didn’t know what to expect, so naturally, I prepared for the worst. I was ready to have my books criticized, my ego shot down, and my writing torn apart. None of that has happened though.

Instead, reviewers have written about the great information and insight I provide! They’ve enjoyed my writing style, calling it easy and fun to read. My passion for ballroom dancing evidently shines through the digital pages. The books are even being recommended for anyone with a passion, as opposed to just dancers.

I’ve been going through a confusing gambit of emotions, but in a good way, I guess? I almost feel like Sally Fields. “I can’t deny the fact that you like me, right now, you like me!”

Reading some of the reviews of the Dance Diaries books has actually made me a little teary eyed. I didn’t think about how much time I spent believing the negative things my demons told me, until I was confronted with the opposite two weeks in a row. It’s a little sad that all this positivity aimed at me and my creations is overwhelming because I didn’t consider it a possibility. My demons keep telling me to not get too cocky, there is still another week to go! Though I’m starting to think I don’t need to be as prepared for the worst as they insist I do.

Adding to the gambit is the fact that I barely danced at all this past week. I got a short practice with Ballroom Viking and went to a hip hop group class. All of my private lessons were cancelled. The cherry on top was the competition I was shooting for before Life brought out more surprises was this weekend. So I’m getting a lot of amazing feedback from my books about dancing, but I’m not actually dancing. It’s only temporary. I’m sure I’ll get some lessons this coming week. It’s just odd to feel a lot of progress in one area and feel stalled in another, even though the two are intertwined.

I’m frequently tempted to give up. My demons point out all the things I could do instead, like pay off debt faster or fix the tears in the driver’s seat of my car. I could go out to lunch with my coworkers who are always inviting me to join them. I wouldn’t have this stress over trying to be a ballroom dancer, when obviously I can’t afford to really get anywhere. Life would be comfortable.

And boring. I’ve done the “go to work, come home, go to bed, wake up, repeat” thing. I want, no I need, more. So every time a voice in my head mutters “maybe I should just give up,” I remind myself why I won’t be giving up. Even if it’s a year until my next competition and no matter how many others I watch fly past me on their ballroom journeys, I need to be on this journey. It’s part of who I am now, there is no going back. I can’t give up now.

I write this for more than just me. I know others are out there in similar situations. It’s incredibly frustrating to not be able to do what you love to do because of the cost. But that doesn’t mean we give up. I know I’ve written all this before, but if you’re like me, then you need to be reminded over and over again.

So I’ll say it again: don’t give up!


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