There’s that moment on your journey toward a goal when something hits you and you think “oh shit, this is really happening.” I reached an “oh shit” moment this weekend when I printed the entry forms for Ballroom Beach Bash.

I’m happy and excited to be able to finally compete again, of course. But it’s also a little scary. It’s been over a year since my last competition. I’ve only been back in the studio taking lessons for about six weeks after a two-month hiatus. I’m still learning the choreography for my four Smooth dances. Will I be ready in time? Will the last year prove to have helped or hindered me?

There are a LOT of “what ifs” running through my head, and they’ve left the entry forms sitting blank on my kitchen counter. I’ll fill them out soon enough. But it’s surreal to think I’ll be back on a competition floor in less than six weeks. I find myself waiting for the other shoe to drop and for something to go wrong. I’ve already decided to give up an “early bird” discount by not paying the entry fees at the same time I submit my forms. The discount isn’t that great for me anyway (maybe $10 or $15 total), since I can only afford a small number of entries. The last time I paid ahead of time, Teacher broke his wrist a week before we were going to dance. I got most of my money back from that competition, but I’m still a little gun shy. That was way back in August 2015, and I’ve only competed once since then. I paid at the competition on the day I danced.

That one competition (last year’s California Open) was supposed to be my comeback comp, but again things didn’t work out the way I planned. A false start after an abrupt stall on my competition journey. So now here’s another chance to restart and regain momentum. Is it any wonder that I hesitate, wondering what will stop me this time?

I’ve gotten pretty good at moving forward despite my many doubts and fears. Shit happens, things go wrong, and I keep trudging on. #keepgoing

So I’ll fill out the forms and send them to the comp organizers. I’ll keep practicing my dances and preparing to step onto the competition floor again. If all goes well, I’ll be back in the sparkles and ridiculous amount of makeup and hairspray come April. In my head, that’s a big if, but it doesn’t mean I don’t bother trying. Don’t give up, right?