This Time, I Did Cry

I’m just going to get straight to the point with what I want to share because I can’t think of a good lead-in. Teacher had another surprise for me at the end of my lesson on Friday: a second anonymous sponsor. This one didn’t just pay for my lesson; they wrote Teacher a check that covered over six lessons!

It was too much this time; I had to go sit in the bathroom so I could cry. I sat in the stall for so long, the motion-sensor light went out on me! Even now, thinking about it, I’m a little teary-eyed.

It’s hard for me to write about this actually. I am so incredibly grateful for these two unknown parties who decided to let me know in a big way that I wasn’t going unnoticed. They saw how hard I worked and thought I deserved something for it. “Incredibly grateful” doesn’t cover what I’m feeling though. I’m not sure I know the words to accurately express what is going through my head and heart. I’ll do my best.

First, I need to address this strong urge to explain that I’m not trying to boast or brag, like “hey, look what I got!” I don’t know why I feel like it’s boasting to share this kind of news. Maybe because part of me feels like I got something for nothing. It’s not like I went to work and was handed payment at the end of the week. Well, I guess it kinda was. Just over a longer period of time and I did the work without expecting this kind of payment. Through Teacher, both sponsors told me that they were doing this in response to the hard work I put into my dancing. So it isn’t something for nothing. But these people weren’t under a contract to pay me for my dancing work. I didn’t provide them a direct service or product. I guess if they’ve gained inspiration or something else from reading my blog or books, then I’ve provided a product. I’m not sure if I’ve justified receiving these generous gestures enough, but I feel like I should move on because this can turn into a never-ending cycle in my head.

After the light went out in the studio bathroom, I pulled myself together and headed home. As I drove, I started to feel this overwhelming sense of “it’s going to be ok.” I even said it out loud a few times. It’s going to be ok. It’s going to be ok!

I haven’t felt like everything was going to be ok in a LONG time. I would still push myself forward as IF things were going to turn out ok, but I never really believed they would. I felt more certain that I would have to continue fighting for every step because things would always get mucked up. So to actually feel some relief, to feel “it’s going to be ok!”, was new and amazing.

I have also felt some added responsibility and accountability. People DO notice and support me, even to the point that they feel I’m worth supporting financially! I need to make sure I live up to that show of support. I can’t let them down!

Another surprise: instead of feeling added pressure, this sense of responsibility to my sponsors seems to be giving me more motivation to work even harder! Because it really is going to be ok.

The money I was planning on paying Teacher for lessons will go instead toward my competition fund. With it plus the bit I was going to save from my next paycheck, I will have officially saved everything I need to compete in Smooth at the Desert Classic in July! It’s still over two months away and I have the money!! That’s amazing!!! I can’t use enough exclamation points!!!!

Of course, part of me is waiting to see what the catch will be. Things are going great, so there must be a disaster on the horizon. I still need to save money for moving expenses in July. But I feel like that’s going to be ok too. I’ll save the money, and I’ll find a place to live that doesn’t cost more than my paycheck, and isn’t falling apart, full of bugs or in a sketchy neighborhood. I’ll still be able to dance and compete. It will all come together and work out ok.

I’m also feeling a strong urge to shout out to everyone else. I knew I had amazing support around me before these sponsors. I am grateful for everyone who reads my blog posts and comments on them. I’m grateful for everyone who has sent me an email letting me know my last post inspired or helped them in some way. When you let me know you’re out there, it really does keep me going even when the road is dark.

I’m still not sure I deserve all this, but thank you so much to my sponsors, AND my readers and everyone else who supported in one way or another. I won’t let you down!

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4 thoughts on “This Time, I Did Cry

  1. Lisa Summers says:

    WOW!!! That is truly awesome! I think I would have been in tears, too. This is good karma coming back your way. I am happy for you, as you deserve it. 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

  2. lizzardthewizzard says:

    I am so very happy for you. I enjoy your stories, I think we all do, and it shows me how incredibly supportive the ballroom dance community is. Makes me wish that I was going to the Dessert Classic but it looks like it will be Embassy for me. I hope to meet in person some day. Dance on!

    Liked by 1 person

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