I Have to Give Up

I know I preach a “don’t give up” philosophy. The #dontgiveup hashtag appears on the majority of my Instagram posts. Perseverance, along with hard work and a bit (or a lot) of luck, has gotten me where I am today.

Fall down seven times, get up eight.

It doesn’t matter how slow you go, as long as you don’t stop.

#keepgoing

I’ve shared all of these meme-worthy quotables and turned them into motivational mantras for myself. They and similar phrases help get me through the tough days, weeks and months. I’ve come this far, I can’t give up now.

Well, over this past week, I realized I have to change my tune a bit. I’ve reached a point where I don’t really have a choice. I have to give up.

It makes me anxious, but it’s for the best.

Don’t freak out. It’s not what you think.

I’m not giving up ballroom.

But I can’t keep going as I am. If I’m going to reach my goals, I have to give up some other things, like the heavy baggage I seem to insist on taking with me.

I have to give up on my fear of failure, along with my fears of rejection, abandonment, looking like a fool, and being found out as a fraud. All of these fears feed into the false idea that I’m just not good enough to be the dancer I dream of becoming.

I have to give up the idea that I don’t belong, whether it’s because of my income, my appearance or my introverted nature. None of these things make me less worthy as a dancer, so I also have to give up the feeling of inferiority.

I also have to give up my fear of success! It may seem contradictory to be carrying around fears of both failure and success. Fear of failure is easier to understand. No one likes to lose. My fear of success stems from the worry that if I do succeed, I won’t live up to the expectations of that success or I’ll ruin it somehow and lose my one shot.

I have to give up the pain from the past. Not all of my fears are unfounded. I’ve been rejected and felt abandoned. I’ve felt like a fool, and I’ve failed a lot more than I’ve succeeded. I survived all of it though and lived to do better on another day.

All of these fears affect my dancing. I find it nearly impossible to just “let go” and dance full out because the consequences could be devastating. But they also could be incredibly beautiful and liberating. Out of every “failure,” I learned something and grew. Each rejection redirected me to something better.

So I’m giving it all up.

I’m also giving up on the expectation that I’ll get this right the first time. It isn’t the first time that I’ve intended to make a huge mindset switch and fell back into old habits. Just like in my dancing, each attempt will make the next one a little more successful.

What about you? Anything you need to give up?

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4 thoughts on “I Have to Give Up

  1. Beauty and The Ballroom says:

    Wow, when I clicked on this post I thought….she best not be giving up dancing!! Haha! The number of times I’ve wanted to give up dancing because of all of those type of things is stupid! So I guess I need to give up similar kinds of things…the fears etc as they really don’t help do they? The fears taken to a dance comp really hinder performance I think…that’s how I feel anyway 🙂 x

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Sienna says:

    Thanks for sharing this. Mmm you touched on all those thoughts that whisper in my mind..am I really a dancer? Can I call myself this? I worry too that I don’t have what it takes to become a beautiful dancer and that maybe I am just a fraud and pretending that I am – that ‘imposter syndrome’. I feel this most when my teacher is a bit tough on me. I have found dance to be a spotlight on my emotional development as a person too – knowing I have to not be scared to go out there and show my best, not being scared to give of myself emotionally, release, and really feel the dance without fear of judgement of myself or from others. The income comment was interesting too.. as was the appearance and introverted comments. I have wondered about all of these things. Do I earn enough to pursue this, how much can I put into it, am I too old, am I to overweight, and am I a bit to shy. I have my first competition in 3 days so your post is timely. Thank you for sharing with us!

    Liked by 1 person

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