Happy October everyone! Also known as the start of six months of trying to avoid too much weight gain. I love the holidays and all the treats that come with them, but there’s always a price. One way I avoid bringing too much candy and other holiday goodies into the house is reminding myself that the money I spend on treats is money I won’t have for dance!

Today wasn’t the best start to the month. It was day 2 of the second headache of the week. I still managed to do my solo practice. The last two Sundays I’ve practiced over two hours. I decided not to push myself too hard today and only did an hour. It was frustrating, but I’m doing my best to focus on the positive.

First, the frustrating part. Despite spending the last three weeks studying my routines to correct the disconcerting fact that I didn’t actually know them, I needed to refer to my videos to remember parts of the tango and foxtrot. I’m still beating myself up a bit for not knowing them. Maybe more than a bit. Teacher and I had made a plan during our first post-Embassy lesson and it was completely derailed during the second lesson. I was diverted from my path at the same time my reality and associated confidence was shaken. It’s taking me awhile to adjust.

That shaken confidence is affecting my dancing, or at least my perception of my dancing. Teacher gave me a drill this week to help improve leg action. I stayed for an hour after my lesson practicing the drill and trying to apply it to my routines. I wasn’t getting it. I was doing the drill and I think I was doing it correctly, but it wasn’t clicking. It was like I was repeating a phrase I heard in a different language with no idea of what I was saying. Teacher reviewed it again at my next lesson and, while I understood the words coming out of his mouth, there was a disconnection somewhere that I couldn’t explain or pinpoint. I finally had to tell Teacher to just move on to the next topic. He wouldn’t be able to help me if I couldn’t tell him what the problem was.

The positive side is I am doing the work to get back on track. Even with a headache, I practiced today, and even though I needed to refer to my videos, in the end I was able to dance the routines. I didn’t give up, and I know my choreography better now than I did three weeks ago, so I’m making progress. It’s slow and awkward progress, but progress nonetheless.

I’m definitely in unchartered territory and not where I expected to be. It’s not the first time plans have changed and I’ve been diverted from the path I was on. I’m telling myself that I’ve overcome every other challenge I’ve encountered, so I’ll make it past this one. It’s difficult to believe when I still feel disoriented, but I’m nothing if not persistent in this dance journey. I’ll keep repeating what is taught to me until my brain is finally able to translate it and reconnect properly with my body to move me forward.

I want to give a shout out to anyone else struggling to find their way right now. Don’t give up! We can do this.