I’ll confess, I always feel a small palpitation in my chest when I see heat lists have been posted. It’s like a sign that this is really happening! It’s the anticipation of entering the ballroom in all its splendor and walking out on the floor covered in rhinestones and hair spray, waiting to hear “And music, please.”

The heat lists don’t match my submitted entry forms. Since I last wrote to you, Teacher and I decided to drop out of Standard. In the month and a half since our last competition, we’ve barely spent any time on our International routines in lessons and solo practice can only get me so far. The style needs more time put into it before we take it back on the competition floor.

Though Teacher left it up to me to ultimately decide, I had mixed feelings. Part of me felt like we were giving up. It felt like I somehow failed to do what I committed to do and was therefore a disappointment. This was my ego talking.

Realistically, I’m under enough pressure as it is preparing to compete in Smooth and getting everything ready to start taking preorders for the Solo Practice Guide at the same time (kinda proud of the preorder webpage I built today!). Taking time off from the day job also means working overtime to get ahead. Although it’s been a month and half since our last comp, Teacher was gone for about a week to compete at Blackpool and there were a couple other weeks when we only had one lesson. So in reality, we did not have six weeks to prepare for Millennium. If you want to get specific, I’ve had 10 lessons since Emerald Ball. 7.5 hours of training/practicing with my partner. Exactly 45 minutes of that was spent on our Standard routines.

It really doesn’t make sense to spend the extra money to compete in a style I’ve spent 45 minutes working on with my partner since we last competed in it. Technique-wise, we had been training for both styles, but the choreography for Standard was still fuzzy in areas and it would be obvious on the floor if neither of us knew what step came next. But I was feeling stubborn/brave and wanted to just #doitscared and make it happen. I knew it wouldn’t be anywhere near perfect, but we could still make a decent show of it.

Teacher wanted more than a decent show for me though, and he didn’t want me to spend my very-hard-earned money on “decent” when he believed we could make a GREAT show of it with more time. I have to really appreciate Teacher here because I know not every teacher out there would be so mindful of his student’s expenses. Some teachers would just shrug, take my money, and go out and dance with me.

It’s already working out to be the better choice because as I was doing my solo practice today, Teacher texted me that he had to cancel our last lesson scheduled for this Monday and would see me in New Orleans. After sending him several sobbing emojis, I forced the panic back down my throat and returned to reviewing the Foxtrot I was hoping to dance with Teacher one more time before the comp. If we were going to dance both styles and he cancelled that last review lesson, I probably would have lost it and instead of writing this blog post, I’d be curled up in bed, rocking back and forth in the fetal position. You know, normal pre-comp nerve stuff.

My ego is still in a bit of denial. It goes against my values to back out of something I’ve committed to, even if it was mainly a commitment to myself and I’m backing out for very realistic and logical reasons. I think it will finally relent when I get to experience an actual day off on Friday (the day I was supposed to dance Standard). I tell you, I am REALLY excited to finally offer the Solo Practice Guide to the world, but MAN, it is a LOT of work! This solopreneur with a day job thing definitely isn’t for everyone. My poor Gromit has been extra whiny; I think he’s feeling neglected because Mama spends all her time at home working on the computer.

It’s all coming together though! Preorders for the Guide start June 25!!

There will be extra incentives for those who preorder too, which were fun to come up with (see, there are fun moments!). You can still sign up for the mailing list and get your free Solo Practice worksheet at practiceballroomdance.com now.

I hope you all have a fabulous week! I’ll be checking in via Facebook live from the comp, so be sure to follow me on the Girl with the Tree Tattoo Facebook page so you don’t miss out.

Happy dancing!