Ever get so used to things going wrong or off-script that when things start actually going your way, you get suspicious?

I’m feeling very suspicious. My last few lessons working on tango have been awesome. Thanks to extra work from my second job, I will have enough money to go to the competition I wanted to go to. I had no weekend and am working almost every night this week, BUT I WILL HAVE THE MONEY TO COMPETE!

*brief break to do a happy dance*

Ok, what’s the catch?

Perhaps it’s my cynical nature or my anxiety looking for the worst-case scenario, but it’s hard for me to trust too many positives at once. I’m waiting for my personal party to get crashed by some sort of disappointment. Sounds really sad when I write it out. Don’t worry, I’m working on it!

It’s hard to change your mindset in general, and even harder when you have a lot of past experiences telling you you’re on point. My mindset: Life is disappointing. I think small adjustments are the best way to go about instituting a change. Instead of “Life is disappointing,” maybe I can start thinking “Life can be disappointing.” That opens the door for Life to be other things too. I could then add to it: “Life can be disappointing, but it can also be surprisingly great.” It’s easier to move onto the idea of Life being great if it’s a surprise (i.e., rare), rather than established and something I should already accept.

In the meantime, I’m reminding myself that it’s not like good lessons and extra money fell from the sky. I worked for those positives! So maybe I should stop thinking some greater force is just pulling strings and playing jokes on me and give myself some credit? Hmmm, that’s something to ponder while I’m at the studio practicing, between jobs.

Anyone else have trouble giving themselves credit for the fruits of their own labor?